For the most part I can get over the fact that I need medication to decrease my risk of miscarriage, but the thing that I have a hard time not feeling angry about is when the thing that prevents me from doing all that I can is money. Not that I don’t have the money, but that this stuff costs so much.
There is very little insurance coverage out there for fertility testing and treatments. We were very fortunate to have had just about the best infertility coverage you could find when we were going through thousands of dollars a month in treatments. We only had a $20 prescription copay (those injections were thousands).
Since we currently have no worthwhile insurance coverage (thanks, Obama), money has been what has set our limits, and that is very frustrating. If it wasn’t a factor, I’d just be all like let’s do IVF again. It’s our option with the highest chance of success. I probably wouldn’t have said that 6 months ago, but I’m more determined now that this can have a happy ending.
It still may not, but I do not want to have to give up and quit and try to move on because I couldn’t afford a medication. I thought that was going to be the case up until this morning, in fact, although I hadn’t entirely decided to give up. Just a month or two until I could come up with the $93 to refill my Femara.
Someone told me that Femara is only $7 at Costco. WHAT. How can that be possible?! I had to check into it. I can afford $7. Long story short, it’s true. I refilled my double Rx for $7.56 this morning. Today is the day I’d need to start taking it.
I would’ve been crying and jumping for joy if I didn’t have a peace about it. I’d come to realize in the past few days that God isn’t trying to prevent me from trying to have another baby, he’s just helping me to be patient about it. “Wait” is the word that has come up again and again in the last 6 months.
So with that in mind, I hope that I can continue to feel peaceful and patient this month. I want to concentrate on Advent (which, coincidentally, means “waiting”) and Christmas with my family and not OPKs and symptoms. They need to take a back seat.
P.S. While looking for scripture to have B read when we light our Advent candles, I came across this:
Therefore since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
So look at that: I shouldn’t ever feel stupid for continuing to have hope. This is how I’m able to still have hope.