It Doesn’t Go Away

Read this article just now.  Great article, spot on.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2015/04/27/the-other-side-of-infertility-i-finally-joined-the-elusive-mommy-club-but-did-i-really-belong/

It puts into words so much that I’ve felt.  Just recently in fact I was sitting with two other moms of kids on my son’s baseball team who were talking about her surprise baby and ease-of-conception-issues that went on from there.  I wanted to cry and throw up having to sit there listening to it.  I don’t feel like the other moms when stuff like that happens.  I feel like an outsider.

I’m 2 1/2 years past our “resolution,” and I have learned that the effects of infertility are profound and stay with you always.  It’s still something I have to deal with: all of those feelings are still there and are the first to surface, even if they don’t hit me quite as hard.

In fact, lately I’ve been reminded just how much it is still part of my life when faced with the desire to want to have another baby.  It is an incredibly complicated and scary issue.  It brings back all of the risk of heartbreak; it is still something I would have to face if we did make that decision.  I have to factor my willingness to risk going through all of that into a decision, and I’m back to feeling angry about how unfair it all is.

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