Unexpected Days

It’s funny how one day with one small trigger (or maybe sometimes none at all) you can unexpectedly spend the day thinking about one of your babies.  I have that Timehop app. on my phone and this morning it showed 4 years ago today a picture upload including my angel box for Michael.  It really struck me, seeing that picture and that it was 4 years ago.  It doesn’t seem nearly that long ago.  The memories are still vivid and painful enough I can’t even bring myself to look at the things inside of his box today.

It’s funny, too, because it was just a day or two ago I remember some reference to a bar of antibacterial soap and it immediately brought up the morning of my D&C, how I had to be up at 4am or whatever scrubbing myself with anti-bacterial soap I’d had to specifically buy because those were the pre-op instructions.

I have all kinds of little snippet memories like that surrounding the time of his loss.  (I actually listed them all here but them it felt too personal for now.)  I’ve spent most of today having most of those memories come back to me and then getting tears.  I know he’s in heaven waiting for us, with the rest of them, and I can tell God to give him a hug for me.  And now I am able to have these memories come and then tuck them back away and go about my day.

It’s just funny how there is no real reason for today to be a day to think about this.  I guess remembering days don’t just neatly keep themselves only to loss/due dates.


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