Saw this article the other day: http://stillstandingmag.com/2013/04/healing-mothers-day/
I’ve been thinking a lot about my angel babies the last few weeks and that article made me think again about where I am in healing. I actually think I’m healed more from the miscarriages themselves than the process in its entirety. I can feel my babies in my heart and I know they’re together with God, being looked after. Someday I will get to meet them. But yes, it’s like I can feel them with me. When people ask me how many kids I have, I say “two,” but I think “seven.” I know I never gave birth to them or got to see their face or hold them, but they were individual children to me, even if I only got to know them for a short time.
I’ve always sort of figured someday when I am at a house I plan to be at forever/a long time (which isn’t this one, we didn’t plan to be here more than 5 or so years… we’ll see how that goes) then I will have a special memorial flower garden. I saw this idea though for a flower pot that you put your baby’s footprints on, and thought I could do something like that… paint little things on it. That way my flower can come with me. 🙂 I’ll have to figure out what kind of flower I want, maybe I could get it for Mother’s Day this year!
And on a similar note, I also saw this on Pinterest the other day: a song about miscarriage by the singer Pink, who I don’t really know anything about or what her music sounds like, but here are some of the lyrics:
There’s a whole ‘nother conversation going on
In a parallel universe.
Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts.
There’s a waltz playin’ frozen in time
Blades of grass on tiny bare feet
I look at you and you’re lookin’ at me.
Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute,
I don’t know what I’d say in it
I’d probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter,
I’m tired of being a fighter,
I think a minute’s enough, Just beam me up.
Saw a blackbird soarin’ in the sky,
Barely a breath I caught one last sight
Tell me that was you sayin’ goodbye,
There are times I feel the shiver and cold,
It only happens when I’m on my own,
That’s how you tell me I’m not alone
In my head I see your baby blues
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there’s
One of me, with you
So when I need you can I send you a sign
I’ll burn a candle and turn off the lights
I’ll pick a star and watch you shine
I thought it made such a beautiful and accurate picture. I only even listened to half of the first verse on the YouTube video before I was about to cry so I turned it off!
I really feel like doing art now… maybe I’ll sketch something. Man I miss having PSP on my computer…