3 Months!

Three months seems so much older than 2 months.  Like up until then they’re still a newborn, even though M has been un-newborn-y for awhile now.  She’s a sweet little chubs (really, she was 15.2 lbs. last week), she smiles all the time.  Can’t help herself.  She can be grumping but if you smile at her she just has to smile back!  The last week she’s really gotten into grabbing things.  Dots on her blanket, the letters printed on your shirt, the stripes on her clothes, your arm.  She loves her feet, whenever you sit her so she can see them she gets very serious about trying to reach them.  But her legs aren’t long enough yet and there’s too much chubs and diaper in the way. 🙂

I’m the same still since I haven’t gotten any meds to try yet to see if they make a difference.  The 25th I should.  Ugh, I don’t want them.  This past week I’ve been feeling extra sad.  I don’t feel like doing anything and I don’t care about anything and I don’t feel like socializing much.  I’ve been thinking about angel babies a lot.  I do really feel like it’s a PTSD type thing going on still.  Today I also realized that those whole 3 years I kept going by knowing there was an end to the tunnel, and that end was having a baby.  Turns out that it doesn’t feel like the end and the grief is still there, so now I feel lost and confused about how to deal with it.  So yeah, that’s where I am right now.

P.S. I do plan on editing my blog to have a different name and some different pages and a different intro.  I know it’s going a different direction now.  But so far ain’t nobody got time for that!


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