I’ve been up and down with this PPD business. I’ve been having a lot of anxiety lately over anything at all, and last night over nothing. (Or maybe it was that episode of Downton Abbey!) I still haven’t gotten any medication because last time I was at the counselor I was feeling up. Then of course by that evening I think I was back down and like, geez. I’m stumbling through it, which is nothing new to me at all. But I’m just so TIRED of it, you know? I read an article shared on Facebook by one of the babyloss sites about the difference between grief and depression and realized I really did have depression those 2 or so years before, I just always thought there was nothing I could do about it because it was situational. But whatever, there was that and then 9 months of on and off anxiety over something happening to Meg, and now this when I finally should be able to be happy! (Excluding other stressors in life, which are also nothing new!)
I finally got a white board and every evening I write down a detailed schedule for the next day by the hour. It would help a lot, and has helped some, but my routine keeps getting thrown off and then I get confused again! Last week my son had no school all week between MLK Day and snow days. Then he has a snow day today too (or rather, ice day). Because of that I also haven’t been able to get myself to start these devotionals my parents got me for Christmas. The time I had for them in my schedule was between driving people places in the morning, and I didn’t do it all week! And one of my New Year’s resolutions was to actually do my devotionals.
So I made myself do them today, just in a little different order, while B was playing video games and M was taking a little nap. I tell you what, it was useful. 🙂
“The Lord will give strength to His people;
The Lord will bless His people with peace.”
“The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?”
Take that PPD, ADD, Asperger’s, and whatever else of mine is messing me up right now! Reading those made me feel very enlightened, and hopeful that I can get through this junk too and figure out something to make me feel normal. I may need meds to help, but it will be temporary and I will overcome it!
The prayer in today’s devotional was: “God, I thank you for flooding my heart with the light of your love and for illuminating the shadows and bringing a bright, shining morning of hope to my life. Amen.” Yes, shining morning of hope.
(P.S. That prayer is a run on sentence. Bother!)