Shiny Morning

I’ve been up and down with this PPD business.  I’ve been having a lot of anxiety lately over anything at all, and last night over nothing.  (Or maybe it was that episode of Downton Abbey!)  I still haven’t gotten any medication because last time I was at the counselor I was feeling up.  Then of course by that evening I think I was back down and like, geez.  I’m stumbling through it, which is nothing new to me at all.  But I’m just so TIRED of it, you know?  I read an article shared on Facebook by one of the babyloss sites about the difference between grief and depression and realized I really did have depression those 2 or so years before, I just always thought there was nothing I could do about it because it was situational.  But whatever, there was that and then 9 months of on and off anxiety over something happening to Meg, and now this when I finally should be able to be happy!  (Excluding other stressors in life, which are also nothing new!)

I finally got a white board and every evening I write down a detailed schedule for the next day by the hour.  It would help a lot, and has helped some, but my routine keeps getting thrown off and then I get confused again!  Last week my son had no school all week between MLK Day and snow days.  Then he has a snow day today too (or rather, ice day).  Because of that I also haven’t been able to get myself to start these devotionals my parents got me for Christmas.  The time I had for them in my schedule was between driving people places in the morning, and I didn’t do it all week!  And one of my New Year’s resolutions was to actually do my devotionals.

So I made myself do them today, just in a little different order, while B was playing video games and M was taking a little nap.  I tell you what, it was useful. 🙂

“The Lord will give strength to His people;
The Lord will bless His people with peace.”
Psalm 29:11

“The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?”
Psalm 27:1

Take that PPD, ADD, Asperger’s, and whatever else of mine is messing me up right now!  Reading those made me feel very enlightened, and hopeful that I can get through this junk too and figure out something to make me feel normal.  I may need meds to help, but it will be temporary and I will overcome it!

The prayer in today’s devotional was: “God, I thank you for flooding my heart with the light of your love and for illuminating the shadows and bringing a bright, shining morning of hope to my life.  Amen.”  Yes, shining morning of hope.

(P.S. That prayer is a run on sentence.  Bother!)


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