29-30 Weeks

I can’t believe I’m to 30 weeks.  That seems so close now, being in the 30s weeks is like the homestretch!

I had an appointment with the midwife on Wednesday.  It went well, heartbeat at 156 bpm and still measuring ahead a week.  I had been starting to worry for no apparent reason that she wasn’t growing right, but things are on track so I should stop worrying about that.  I hope going every 2 weeks now will help with stuff like that.  I’m feeling mostly ok physically.  I’ve been getting some occasional heartburn in the evenings and I’ve been noticeably more tired lately and such.  Emotionally… eh.

I’ve been having increasingly frequent bouts of anxiety, mostly at night but kind of just whenever, and just general extra antisocial, blah/I don’t care about anything sort of feelings.  At first I thought maybe it’s because of the summer I had, who wouldn’t feel crappy after 3 months of being home alone with an exhausting 4-year-old from 7am-10pm 6 days a week and unable to go anywhere?!  Then I thought maybe it’s because I’m getting closer to the end it’s still sometimes hard to imagine this is really finally happening, and that’s causing the return of the fear that something somehow will go wrong and this will all end.   I think I have done a good job the last few months at being able to let myself be completely happy and have no real worries get in my way (even with having non-baby life things to worry about in the recent past too), and I know that comes from God and what I’ve learned from Him in the last few years.  But really that’s not it either causing most of the anxiety.  It’s just there for mostly no apparent reason.  So I think this is just what happens to me.  I struggled with the same thing most of the third trimester when I was pregnant with my son too.  I managed it by drinking tea and reading my bible before bed.  I got some tea a few days ago and will get back in that habit, and also hope to have the hypnobabies sleep relaxing CD thing soon.  I mentioned all this to the midwife and she had me talk to a social worker who agrees it sounds biological and counseling won’t help.  But meds would be a last resort of course.  So she’s just going to keep tabs on how I’m managing.

That said, the last 3 nights I’ve been pretty much fine!  Prayers have worked, hopefully that will continue to be the case.  My stomach has been feeling kind of blech, but it doesn’t seem to be from anxiety at least.

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