Just saw someone share this: http://m.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/may/07/secondary-infertility-increasing?cat=lifeandstyle&type=article
Some of my thoughts on it:
– I really identified with that the author was talking about regarding people assuming if you have one kid, you can have more whenever you choose. People made comments about how it was about time for me to have another one, or they’d ask if I had “just one?” and then when I said yes they felt some need to justify that “decision” to me, like “that’s probably a better idea in this economy.” UGH. And you know, some people choose to only have one child or to have children far apart in age and I’m sure comments like that would bother them a lot too. People just need to mind their own business!
– Whenever I read stuff about infertility (or in this case secondary infertility) being on the rise, a big contributing factor is inevitably because in general women are having children later. It does make sense, the longer you wait the likelier it is you’ll have more issues, but it just seems to perpetuate this idea that infertility is something that only “older” moms struggle with. NOT TRUE. I’ve been struggling with this since I was 22, and I’m 26 now. They think if you’re young there shouldn’t be anything wrong with you, which in itself leads to a lot of grief. It can happen at any age! I just wish more articles would mention that.
– There was a lot in this article I very much can identify with, like how with secondary infertility you can’t avoid babies and pregnant people as much because your child puts you into those situations–taking them places with other children, where there are other moms. You have to deal with your child being alone and not having a sibling, and your child asking for a sibling. You have to deal with everyone around you having second and third babies while you’ve had none. And for my situation, on top of that last one I also had to deal with everyone having a baby who lived while mine weren’t.
– “…I couldn’t avoid the sense that we were not yet all here, that there was a person missing.” That is EXACTLY what it feels like every day, and it’s even worse when you also feel like there are 5 other people missing too.
– I also understand the author’s disbelief that IVF was not only an option but a good choice for her because she already had one child. It does make it harder to understand why your body isn’t working right when it’s worked right once before. But that’s the route we ended up on too, and I also can’t believe that the baby in me is actually there and real. I expect, like the author says, I will still feel that way now and then after this baby is here too.
– I really loved the last paragraph, it made me teary. I also have always found it comforting when I see a mom with children with a bigger age gap, thinking maybe she’s gone through the same thing and I’m not so alone.