Faith Over Fear

That’s the sort of theme that we went over at church on Sunday, and I haven’t gotten around to blogging it until now.  I’ve been kind of mentally busy, more on that later today or tomorrow or something.

Before I start, I just want to say that I feel like I’m at  the end with this struggle and I’ve already been through all of this stuff, so I don’t feel like it applies to me like it used to.  This used to be exactly the kind of thing I’d need to hear, but I feel like I’ve finally learned it.  Not that it isn’t still good to pass along, so…

Mark 4:35-41 says:
That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.”  Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.  He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”  They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”

I. Storms come with Life.  Even those closest to Jesus experience storms.  They said to him, “Don’t you care that we’re about to drown?  You’re sleeping, why don’t you help us?”  I can so identify with crying that out, I’ve done it countless times in the last three years, and none as desperately as when I lost Michael.  We expect a miracle, but none comes, even though we see them happening to other people.  (I guess this goes back to the Coke gifts video, same idea.)

II. The Storms end in Stillness.  They will not last forever because Jesus brings peace.  I feel like I’ve finally reached that peace, even if it isn’t the ending I was looking for quite yet.  I couldn’t tell you that yet.  Jesus Christ, the Son of God, breaks through into our lives and gives power – to hang on and survive.  Hecks yeah, otherwise I would’ve given up months ago.

Jesus confronts us and asks the question, Do we always need to be reassured?  We shouldn’t, we should always have faith, but we’re human and yeah, unfortunately we’re constantly needing to be reassured in some way or another it seems.  But God does not alter physical law solely for the convenience of us.  He only wants us to trust him enough that we know we will not sink.  –I know that!  I battled for months before learning that with Psalm 23, and I feel it now more than ever.  Sometimes I think it’s indifference from being used to pain, but I still feel that pain so it can’t be completely from indifference.  “It takes a tornado to test the roots of a tree.”

This part mostly just amused me:
The Disciples ask Jesus, “Who are you who wind and waves obey you?”  Wait, so they believed that Jesus could quell the storm, but then when he does they’re suprirsed about it?  Weird.  So I guess we should ask ourselves, What do we really expect him to do?  Like I said, I’ve never doubted that God won’t give me another child, but I just don’t know anymore how or when it will happen.  So in the meantime I ask God to let me be at peace about that.

Like I said, I’ve already been through all of this.  But during this sermon I did realize that right now it’s only my brain that doing IVF now is scary and there is so much unknown and so much… stuff I’d rather avoid (debt, general anesthesia, hard ethical issues, admitting my body is that broken/denial, etc.), but my heart is telling me to do it.  Somehow I think I’ve always known we’d end up here, but it’s still a shock.  But I’m excited, too, because this really could work!

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