Good riddance, 2011. This next year MUST be better.
So things are sucky right now, although I’m doing relatively okay. No major breakdowns or anything, just feeling depressed. Not only did we not catch any of those 3+ eggs, but, and I’ll spare the details in this venue, I had a very painful and miserable several days. And then yesterday I went to the doctor and had a bunch of giant cysts, which was expected, but my ovaries hadn’t been hurting so I let myself hope there wouldn’t be any. So I have to take this next cycle off, no meds. (My nurse said to do something for myself. Go eat some chocolate. So yesterday I spent all afternoon making a chocolate cake with chocolate mousse filling with dark chocolate ganache. Minor consolation.)
There are two reasons why a break like this is hard for me: 1. My unmedicated cycles are 35+ days long. My medicated cycles are as long as it takes me to ovulate on an unmedicated cycle; and 2. I have to worry about whether or not to avoid ovulation time or not. If I get pregnant without meds, the chance of miscarriage is way higher. The last time this happened, we didn’t want to risk it.
This time, I want to do absolutely nothing. Meds haven’t helped anyway, although those miscarriages were for different reasons. But still, I just don’t care anymore. You always hear these stories of people finally getting their baby unexpectedly from a break cycle. Maybe that could be me. My son exists, so I know it’s possible for me to have a baby on my own, as unlikely as it otherwise seems.
Ramble ramble, point being I always think of this song when I want to feel a bit more optimistic about my day:
(Again, I wish I knew how to imbed videos! Maybe you can’t.)