I’ve been noticing for awhile now that for the most part I don’t think about the babies I’ve lost and how much I miss them, etc. anymore. I know it’s because it’s so hard and it will make me sad and I’d rather not wander around feeling sad all day. But the past few days I have been, and I wouldn’t say it’s made me sad, but it does make my heart feel tender, if that’s understandable. It mostly started when we were watching the last episode of House and in it a 4-year-old boy had died, and it showed the father seeing where they’d recorded his height on the door frame in their house. I got way teary at the thought of how much he would miss of his son’s life now because he was gone. And you’d think that it would make me think about my own son, who’s 3, but it didn’t. It made me think about all of my babies and how much I missed with them.
And now onto happier things. I have one aunt who always asks me how things are going in the baby department when she sees me, and that’s a rare thing for people to do so I always really appreciate it. Anyway, she has mentioned to me before that they’d help us out with the cost of IVF, and she also said she’d ask other family members to help too. Yesterday at Thanksgiving she asked me about IVF (haven’t been able to do it because we need $950 to start it, going to do it when we get tax return, will charge the other $4000, etc.), and said again how they will definitely pay for some. I know my parents would help too, and there are some other family members I’m sure who would when the time came. So I don’t know how much or when this will go down, maybe not until our currently planned on time to do it, but OMG. I cried a little, and was trying not to cry more. Knowing we wouldn’t be forking out the full $5000 we don’t have is a huge relief, and makes me feel so much better about the upcoming months. How do you even thank people for doing something like that? They don’t make a good enough thank you card.