Feeling Guilt

Someone on a message board recently said that she felt guilty because she felt like the grief and everything she’s going through to have another baby is taking away from the happiness she should be having over her toddler right now.  Somehow I’d never put that thought into words, but that is exactly how I have always felt over this.  I went awhile feeling like I’d wasted so much of my concetration on TTC that I wasn’t enjoying the time I have right now with my son.  I changed my attitude over that last spring or so, and made it a goal to spend the summer trying to do a lot of fun stuff with him.  I think I mostly succeeded at that.  I definitely think I’m better at being content with him being an only child for now.  But I can’t stop myself from grieving and longing and I do feel like I should be able to be completely happy right now with my life with one child.  I’m afraid he’ll grow up and I’ll feel like I missed this special time with him because my mind and heart was so often elsewhere.  It makes it harder for me to see him reach milestones, and it makes me miss when he was a baby even more.  I feel like I took the time he was a baby for granted and I was anxious to watch him get older and learn new things.  I had no idea that it would be so long until I’d get to experience having a baby around again.

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