For awhile now I’ve been meaning to work on an Inspirational Quotes page that would appear at the top of the blog so it’s always accessible. I’ve always found that the right scripture or sometimes quote can really help get your mind focused in the right direction to keep you going and renew hope. And maybe when I have nothing else to say I should blog about what I’ve gotten out of some of them. Especially the scriptures because the beauty of them is that one person can get a completely different thing out of them than another.
The other day I saw this quote by Robert E. Lee: “Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.”
It really struck me. I think it’s very true. I have learned so much through all the pain I’ve been through. I’ve learned patience, and I’ve learned how to stay focused on a long-term goal and am better at not worrying about things I can’t control. Perhaps the most useful lesson has been how to handle my pain (or stresses/worries) and not let it control my life. Husband got laid off? Whatever, no reason to make me depressed, nothing I can do about it. Or like whenever I hear or see something that hurts these days it might bum me a bit but I can let it roll off and forget about it much more easily. I’ve learned to force myself to not dwell on negative things because they only make you feel horrible and ruin your day. Not that I don’t still have the occasional hard day. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a day to cry and do nothing and have some chocolate and watch a good TV show and have some wine. So anyway, I defintiely feel like my “wisdom” has come from the healing of pain.
Speaking of wine, that brings me to my update. I had another disappointing follicle scan yesterday, so I bought some wine to have last night and the bag fell out of my car when I was getting the groceries and it broke and spilled all over the garage floor. BOO. This month (Cycle 28, Injectable Cycle 12) my RE tried me with a higher dose to start off (225 IU Menopur CD3-5, 150IU CD6-10). I went in yesterday, CD10, feeling hopeful since my ovaries had been hurting, but I only had follicles at 16 and 10 in the right, and in the left were like 9, 9, 8, 8… Basically the same thing that happened last month and the month before or whatever. So one more day of Menopur, then trigger. I’ll only have one egg again. I’m getting SO frustrated that nothing is working well. I was getting two for a few months, but it’s like it’s worse now. My nurse knows and sympathizes and said she’d write my Dr. a long note about it. I’m assuming next month to have something drastically different. Like Clomid + Injections maybe. We’ll see. Whatever, I’m just not having high expectations and hanging in there until the spring when we will do IVF. But it’s really depressing when if this month doesn’t work out, I’ll have gone the longest amount of time ever without getting a BFP (7 cycles).