Seriously, some days I feel okay waiting for it, and then when it gets to the end of the month and I let myself think “maybe this month will be it, maybe this will be the end and I can finally be having a baby and be happy and move on” and then nope, not this month either, and it freaking sucks a lot. So that’s the point I’m at right now, just waiting for the next cycle to start this weekend, I’ll have some brownies and wine, then next week sometime I’ll start my injections again and just move along until it will happen all over again.
I told myself I wouldn’t get my hopes up this month, I’d just not pay attention and concentrate on the rest of life. But then I had 2 follicles, 16 and 21.5 mm (in the same ovary, and OW it hurt), and the only two times I’ve had a follicle 20-21 mm I’ve gotten pregnant. So because of that I let myself think maybe this would be it, but apparently it was just a coincidence, and now I have farther to fall down.
On a message board awhile ago someone said “We haven’t been one of those miracles that you keep hearing about – just the heartbreak part.” Man, that’s exactly how it feels for me. I hear these stories everywhere: people who tried for 3 years before finally getting their baby, people who had 4 miscarriages then finally their baby after 2 years, people who got pregnant after a miscarriage and all signs showed they would miscarry again but somehow their baby survived, people who had complications after a miscarriage and then somehow got pregnant while on BC pills and are having twins, people who took a break from meds due to a cyst and surprise they got pregnant without trying, on and on with stuff like that. So why can’t this happen to me now? I won’t even elbaorate on that because I’m about to start crying just thinking about it.