What Ifs

I used to struggle with thinking about what if or what could have been, but I really don’t anymore because it’s certainly not constructive.  However, when due dates come around, it’s hard to not think about how I should have a newborn about now.  Tomorrow, July 11, is when Michael was due.  I miss him so much.  It’s so hard to think that every single little baby was going to be a person, with individuality, and for whatever reason that ended so quickly.  I should be getting to meet and hold my little boy right now.  My son should be excited to have a little brother and learning how to help take care of him.  I’ve been through this many times before, but losing Michael has been the hardest.  I’d never had as much hope as I’d had for him.  But I won’t sit around thinking what if and about what could have been for the next few days, so instead I’ll just blow my baby a kiss.  He knows that I love him and am thinking about him. ♥

This rainbow appears sometimes in our hallway, and it makes me smile.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. crystal theresa
    Jul 12, 2011 @ 01:49:32

    sending hugs and kisses to Michael today. and to you, too, sweetie.

    Reply

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