I’ve been having a bit of a rough time for awhile. I think it’s mainly because I’m so tired since M has been waking me up a million times a night for the last few months, so I just can’t handle anything! It’s made me wonder if I really do need to be back on meds, but I was doing ok for awhile before the less sleeping started. And then sometimes I feel like I suddenly am bipolar, but of all the things I have been diagnosed with, that is not one of them. So I dunno. I’m blaming it on the no sleep.
But I’m also getting really tired of how things are, and things are very exhausting for me. Both in dealing with some ongoing behavioral issues with B, dealing with M who is now in full-blown 2 year old mode, and in N’s work schedule which makes me feel like I’m home with them by myself almost all of the time, even though it probably is only closer to half… but anyway.
This week at church the sermon had something to do with Patience (I didn’t hear a whole lot of it… too many distractions!). Since that’s sort of a big thing for Advent, which is the season of waiting and expecting Jesus’ birth. What I did take away from it is that I need to try to focus on patience more right now. Patience with everything. Need major help from God on that one.
Which leads me to one of my favorite hymns, Abide with Me. It’s a bit more hardcore than what I’m going through, but the message is there–we need God to be with us through all of our hardships. I need God to be with me to keep me patient! It’s been stuck in my head all day, and lo and behold it was actually recorded by my favorite singer so I downloaded it and keep replaying it.
Here’s said recording:
“”Abide with Me” is a Christian hymn by Scottish Anglican Henry Francis Lyte most often sung to English composer
William Henry Monk’s tune entitled “Eventide”.
Lyte wrote the poem in 1847 and set it to music while he lay dying from tuberculosis; he survived only a further
three weeks after its completion.
The hymn is a prayer for God to remain present with the speaker throughout life, through trials, and through death.
The opening line alludes to Luke 24:29, “Abide with us: for it is toward evening, and the day is far spent.””
Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;
The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.
When other helpers fail and comforts flee,
Help of the helpless, O abide with me.
Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;
Earth’s joys grow dim; its glories pass away;
Change and decay in all around I see;
O Thou who changest not, abide with me.
Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word,
But as Thou dwell’st with Thy disciples, Lord,
Familiar, condescending, patient, free.
Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.
Come not in terrors, as the King of kings,
But kind and good, with healing in Thy wings;
Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea.
Come, Friend of sinners, thus abide with me.
Thou on my head in early youth didst smile,
And though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,
Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee.
On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.
I need Thy presence every passing hour.
What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?
Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?
Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.
I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;
Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.
Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?
I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.
Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;
Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.
Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;
In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.